3 Wrongs Still Make a Right: How to Eat the Red, White & Huge

If you’ve ever successfully eaten an 18″ French Bread Pizza, you can stop reading right now. But if this particular activity has been on your bucket list and you just haven’t figured out how to accomplish it, you’re in luck! During the product development stage of creating the Red, White & Huge, we took note of all the (mostly wrong) ways you could eat this pizza. If you’re in a hurry, scroll to the bottom to see the one-and-only “right” way to tackle this beast.

WRONG: Fork & Knife

While forks and knives may work great for things like steak or broccoli stalks, they are unfit for this feast. Honestly, if we were your incisors we would be offended by this show of distrust.

Fork and Knife

WRONG: Folded in Half

This is not called the “Red, White & Huge Sandwich” for a reason.

Folded in Half

WRONG: Cut Into Pieces

We’re sure you thought about sharing this pizza with others, and thus contemplated cutting it up into small pieces that everyone can enjoy. We appreciate the sentiment, but in the spirit of going big or going home, small pieces just aren’t going to cut it.

Cut Into Pieces

RIGHT: Front to Back

There’s only one right way out of this conundrum: start from the beginning, finish at the end. Like the most challenging obstacle course or mud run you’ve done (or imagined yourself running in… because let’s be honest: those things look DIFFICULT), you’ll get halfway through it and wonder why on earth you entered into this insanity. But don’t despair: get 3/4 of the way through and you’ll start hearing the finish line cheers (have a coworker cheer you on if need be). When you’re done, feel free to collapse on the ground and sigh a deep sigh. When you’re ready, order another Red, White & Huge for tomorrow.

RIGHT

  2 comments for “3 Wrongs Still Make a Right: How to Eat the Red, White & Huge

  1. Greg J
    July 14, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    This is funny — I failed and ate it in pieces. Now my head hangs in shame.

    Like

  2. July 15, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Hold your head up – there’s always next time, Greg!

    Like

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